A Visit to Ded Moroz

We are so blessed to live in Northwest Arkansas where there is always a family-friendly event going on. We took advantage of our Thanksgiving break to take Polina to several holiday events. We went to the lighting of square in Downtown Bentonville and got to watch an ice skating show at the outdoor rink. We also went to see "Ded Moroz." 

Ded Moroz, or Father Frost, is the Slavic version of Santa Claus. He is the symbol of Russian winter, New Year's and presents. It's just one bit of Polina's Russian culture we can keep alive for her. She is now convinced his last name is Santa Claus...so for us...it's Ded Moroz Santa Clause. While we make sure that our family's focus is on Jesus' birth as we celebrate Christmas, we also incorporate the cultural traditions as a "side" to the fun and celebration.

Here are a couple short videos and photos from our evening at the Pinnacle Hills Promenade. It was perfect timing - a Monday night at 7:00. No one was there and we had him all to ourselves for about 45 minutes!

He greeted her with a Russian phrase. She was so confused.

Reading "The Night Before Christmas" so she could see what his reindeer were.

 

Showing her his magic key he wears around his neck because we don't have a chimney. She had a dozen questions about this, including what he did with it when he sleeps.

A kiss goodbye

And then we went for a walk to look at the lights and decorations around the Promenade.

Polina and Daddy love fountains

 

Stopped in for a picture with the pretty tree at Pottery Barn.

Close Up

A magical Mommy-Daughter moment

Pretty Girl in front of the big tree

 

 

A Christmas Miracle...

(Note: This started as a quick "I've got to show them this miracle" post, but apparently God had something else in mind. Hang with me. I think it's worth it!)

There is so much going on in our house right now. I can barely fight the tears as I write this. Our family has been through so very much in the past year. Christmas is a time of miracles for sure!

Heartfelt Advent

This is the first week of advent. You've probably heard of it, but may not know what it means. This year, I understand it. I can feel it like never before.

Advent is the four weeks leading up to Christmas and literally means "coming." Advent is a time of remembering & preparing our family to celebrate the birth of Jesus. The first week of advent is the week of hope as Jesus is our hope in life. God sent his one and only son to live as man on Earth in order that He may die for our redemption so that we can have eternal life in Heaven.

Likewise, I went for my daughter so that she could know the love of a family. For many of us, the love of Christ is difficult to accept. For Polina, the love of a family has been difficult to accept. Adoption has put me on the other side of redemption.

This time last year

In 2012 we were given the miracle of a court date on Christmas Eve. We were honored to celebrate Christmas with wonderful Christians living in Moscow....including a couple that adopted a special needs child. We were clinging to our belief in God's ability to perform miracles in order to keep our hope that Polina would come home! We had told her we were coming. And yet, we were separate and might remain separate from her forever.

Experiencing that separation was the most painful feeling I've ever had. In fact, I wrote that death would be better. In those times, I came to better understand the sacrifice God made for us - to be separate from His son so that we no longer had to be separate from Him.

The journey to today

It's now been 10 months since Polina arrived on American soil. We've shared moments of joy with you here and on Facebook. But have you ever wondered why I don't blog more often?

Truth is, it hasn't all been peechy-keen. It's been exhausting - spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. Even the days of fun and excitement ended in an exhausted me, too drained to share with you. There have been lots of tears. There have been times I've wondered what I'd done and if I could continue. There have been times I've understood some of the horrible things adoptive parents have been accused of. In those times, I often prayed and told God that I'd be okay if he chose to return to Earth that day.

Through it all, there were two things I never doubted.

We are told in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for the good of those called according to his purpose. I knew adopting Polina was His calling for us.

I also knew I loved her and Jesus had set my example of love by laying down His life for me. I knew I wasn't going to have to die for Polina, but I was going to have to lay down what I knew as my life for her.

Those moments of joy we have shared with you have been God's reminder of Deuteronomy, Hebrews and Joshua - that He will not leave us or forsake us.

The familiar feelings of reactive attachment disorder

There. I said it. The words I've avoided for ten months. Fact is, Polina isn't simply strong willed. She struggles with attachment because of her past, just as I've struggled with God because of mine.

I know how dirty, broken and hopeless I was before I found Christ. I understand the emotional pain my daughter was feeling that caused her to self-mutilate because I realize I've done a lot of self-mutilation in my life. It just looked different. Seeing her lack of trust and fear of abandonment has brought me terms with feelings I let consume me for two decades. I understand her difficulty in admitting wrongdoing and apologizing genuinely. When she is corrected and responds with "you don't love me," it brings to light my own perfectionism and rejection of God's grace and mercy.

As I fight for my daughter to earn her trust and to get her to receive grace, I'm reminded of how hard Christ fought for me. And I have hope.

Where we are now

Thanks for sticking with me. I've finally made it to the Christmas Miracle part...the warm, fuzzy, get-out-your-Kleenex part. The "I'm posting a video of me in my pajamas and rag-a-muffin hair" to show you there is hope part. 

This is the end of a conversation Polina and I had Sunday morning. It was about attachment, what it means to be loved unconditionally and to never be abandoned again. The video quality is LOW, but turn up your volume, it's what is said that is truly important. (You'll have to access the blog via computer to see the video).

And just to top that off, today, when I asked her if she trusted Mommy, she told me she will always trust me. It felt so good to hear that, that I asked her later in the evening and she responded, "Don't you remember what I told you today? I will ALWAYS trust you."

That's hope for the journey.

Do you still have Kleenex handy? Because after we decorated the Christmas tree tonight, Polina recorded a little "Merry Christmas" for us all!

May everyone who reads this find a little hope in what Christmas is all about!

PS: I promise some fun, lighter-hearted posts with "First Christmas" celebrations soon!

To find out more about what our family is doing to help special needs orphans in Russia, check out Polina's Promise. You can also "like" the Polina's Promise  Facebook page for updates.

Together, we make a bigger ripple

MY FIRST CANDY CANE!

At 6-years-old, Polina is experiencing her "firsts" in a family. Tonight, it was her first time seeing Christmas Lights. It was freezing....but worth every shiver! If you hang with me, there's more pictures at the end of the blog.

Unfortunately, these celebrations don't come without a heavy heart. Orphans are stuck and kids are dying.
 
Meanwhile, most of us are wearing rose-colored glasses (that's my nice way of saying we are ignorant and self-indulged.) I used to find it easy to covet for a bigger house, a newer car, the hippest clothes and accessories, and more toys for our children.

Then I held the orphans. While I still have these consumertastic (like my new word?) tendencies, they are much more in-check now.

I'm happy to report I am no longer ignorant. I've realized... even our humble homes are mansions,  our vehicles are excessive, our demand for trendiness is narcissistic and our overindulgence of materialistic items is vainglorious. (no, I didn't make that word up, though I wish I did).

If only I could change the world.  I'm trying to cast my stone, you know, make a ripple? I'm just a little stone in a big quarry, and there's lots of water in this world!

None of us can change the world ourselves, but if we each cast our own stone and make ripples, those ripples will eventually overlap and the world will be changed for the better.

Can I encourage you to cast your stone with me in two simple ways this holiday?

Forget, ignore, avoid the consumerism trap of Black Friday, etc. and shop with a purpose.

At Givington's, the cause of your choice receives up to 50% of your spending. Books, Coffee, Fashion & Apparel, Office Products, etc.  My own organization, Polina's Promise, is on the list. So are many other deserving organizations.

Fellow Russian special needs adoptive mom Tesney Davis is a  Noonday Ambassador. Buy your jewelry and accessories from Noonday who uses fashion and design to create economic opportunity for over 1,000 artisans in 10 countries - helping families stay together and supporting adoption. I dare you to read about their impact.

Admittedly, I'm new at this shopping with a purpose thing. There's many other ways out there to do this. Just Google it. 

I further challenge you to give 10% of what you spend.  I have more ideas in the giving realm as I've been doing that a big longer.

Steps to Sofi - $700 gets this family a court date
Polina's Promise - assisting special needs orphans and families worldwide
Peach's Neet Feet - sponsor a custom painted pair of shoes for a child who is disabled or fighting serious illness.
99 Balloons - providing a monthly night of respite for special needs families
The Johnson's or another Grace Haven Family - Adoption Grants
Ability Tree - growing able families and accessible organizations
Project Hopeful - advocating for orphans with and bringing education about HIV/AIDS

Whatever it is you're going to do this holiday season, don't forget to slow down (okay, maybe I asked you to do three things) and bask in the small things...the truly important things...the family time, awe in the children's eyes, the truth of redemption and mercy and hope that we celebrate. And if you choose to shop with purpose and to give, know that you're bringing some of those things to someone else's life.

Here's a peek at what redemption, mercy and grace at Christmas time look like from Polina's perspective.

Waiting for the lights to come on

Standing in front of the Christmas Tree

Warming up with a hot drink

Christmas Need?

It's a big topic this time of year. How do you handle gifts at Christmas time in an attempt to avoid the consumerism of it and focus on Jesus? In 2011, Jen Hatmaker wrote a popular blog "The Christmas Conundrum."  It is circulating around my Facebook circles right now.

I like Jen. She makes me laugh. She has a much greater sense of humor than I do. I find myself trying to downsize Christmas at the time of my adopted child's first Christmas in America as she was at the time she wrote the blog. She offers this, now popular, solution to the consumerism.

Four gifts:
Something you want,
Something you need,
Something to wear,
Something to read.

It has a nice poetic rhythm and rhyme to it. It's better than "everything I want" and "the more the better." Many, many of my Facebook friends follow it.

I discussed it with my 9-year-old son today and he confirmed my thoughts.

"What would a need be mom? You said something to wear, and we have a warm house and plenty of food. You already provide for my needs." Oh how this child blesses me beyond words.

What are we communicating to our children about NEED if we go this route? In my humble opinion, if we give socks and underwear as a gift at Christmas, we are sucking the supernatural, enchanting wonder out of it. (Note: Christmas IS supernatural, enchanting and wondrous even without Santa Clause!)

I'm a parent and I'm going to meet my children's needs as they arise regardless of season or holiday. Even if we get them that more expensive pair of light up or name brand shoes for Christmas...isn't that more of a "desired necessity" than a NEED?

I know, I know, that doesn't fit our poetic scheme. But good gravy...I do not need my daughter reminding me later that a different color sandals was a NEED at Christmas so it must be a NEED now!

Moving on....and more about Jen later.

I then asked my son what Christmas is about other than Jesus. His answer was simply "spending time with family you don't usually get to spend time with." Most of our family lives distantly, so I asked if he would prefer to spend the money visiting them or buying more expensive gifts. He chose visiting family. I could not be prouder.

I went on to post the question on Facebook. I got 35 responses in less than an hour. Here they are, in order, without repeats, and nothing excluded.

Hope
Love
Selflessness
Grace
Joy
Faith
Life
Promise
Capitalism
Belonging
Others
Family
Kindness
Salvation
Endless Wonder
Rescue
Supernatural
Miracles
Enchanting
Miracles
Exhaustion
Generosity
Redemption
Reason
Incarnation

Let's go back to Jen again. The year she wrote this particular blog, she was adding "something to give" to the mix. She and her husband, Brandon, were giving each of their kids $100

"to spend on the vulnerable. This is part of their Christmas present, because as you and I know, it just feels so awesome to be a part of Jesus' redemptive story. We will give them some options, and they can distribute their money however they want."

Now here is something I can get on board with! I love this Jen! (If you read my blog, please leave a comment so I can feel....honored!)

Now, if you're like me, you can't afford $100 per child. I'm going to make $100 for our family and we will choose where it goes together. Jen lists some great ideas with giving options as low as $10.

I'm going to give you some giving options that are close to my heart. I challenge you to pick one word out from the list above that you most feel you want to give this Christmas season. Talk to your kids about what they want to give. Then, pick a cause you feel most fits that gift, and GIVE IT! It will bless you to GIVE!

#1) Bring Sofi Home for Christmas: Sofi is an orphan. She has a family waiting. Her family is $1,000 short of fees to Sofi's government. If they can raise this amount quickly, they could possibly have Sofi home for Christmas....Sofi doesn't know or understand Christmas, and having her home for Christmas isn't what's most important. Having her home as soon as possible is. Everyday means something for this four-year-old little girl who can't roll over or eat solid foods because of severe neglect and untreated disability. I'd tell you about her awesome family, but it's really not so much about them, as it is about Sofi. Someone has offered a $1,000 matching grant to Sofi's family. Their you caring account is currently at $13,063.95. This donor will match dollar for dollar donations up to $1,000 between now and Dec. 1. Help get their you caring account to $14,063.95...and be blessed watching it grow and your donation be doubled! You can donate at:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/steps-to-sofi/29572

#2) Help Special Needs Orphans in Russia and China: I created the non-profit Polina's Promise in my daughter's name. If you've followed my blog, you know the story. If you don't, http://penniesforaprincess.blogspot.com/2012/12/death-would-be-better.html is a good place to start. Donations made to Polina's Promise through Paypal are tax deductible and will go to providing training for physical, occupational, speech and developmental therpaists to work with special needs orphans and families in Russia or to furnish a special needs home for children in China. You can not specifically where you would like your donation to go, if you'd like. Just send your paypal donation to polinaspromise@yahoo.com

#3) If domestic and/or interracial adoption is where your heart is, I happen to know an awesome family who is early on in their adoption and would be greatly blessed by your donation this Christmas. You can read their story at http://waitingforbabyd.com/ and you can donate t.o them through paypal at garrettwdenton@gmail.com

Those are places where my heart is...orphans and special needs. This is where I find I can give life, family, hope, redemption, mercy, grace, love, joy, belonging and rescue! This is where I find endless wonder and supernatural miracles.

 If those don't appeal to you, have a look at Jen's list, or just go and serve a meal at your local Salvation Army or other soup kitchen. Suck up your pride and take the homeless person at the mall for lunch.

Just give this season....give to someone you wouldn't normally give to. Teach your kids what it is to sacrifice and to give. I promise you won't regret it!

If your family doesn't have their needs met....feel free to comment...it will go to my email and I won't publish it, but I'd like to help you find a place your needs can be met.

The rest of us...let's get real about what a NEED is. Make up your own categories...give, want, read, wear, play, create, sport, health...whatever you feel appropriate for your family at this time. Change it each year as your family changes and grows. But I beg you, don't pick categories based on their rhythmic quality and pay attention to what your categories communicate to your children. 

And here is Jen's blog: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/29/the-christmas-conundrum

The Best Present Ever!

I really just don't know where to start this blog. I'm exhausted...probably mostly from the emotions of this afternoon.

Because of Polina's paralysis, her balance is not good. However, she is fearless and strong willed and doesn't typically listen to me when I tell her she is doing something that is unsafe and she might get hurt. Frankly, I'm surprised it's taken 9 months before she got hurt since becoming our daughter. Perhaps part of that is my over-protection out of paranoia based on the way the Russian Government is so quick to conclude American parents are abusive to their Russian adopted children. That's not a fun shadow to live under! But today, I was a step away and she learned the hard way.

She was sitting in a chair at the dining room table. We had just finished homework. She turned and tried to pick the dog up, shifting her weight and falling onto the tile floor. I saw it happen, but wasn't fast enough to catch her. I scooped her up off the floor before she could even start crying.

Here's the kicker: as tight as I held her, she held me tighter. She gripped her arms around my neck as she cried and I tried to calm her.

In that moment, the emotion was more than what I typically feel when my children are hurt. It was so much more.

Polina held onto me like a hurt child holds onto her mother.

I can't put that into words.

Regardless of the rough issues that have come along with adoption - those that I'm not ready to share publicly yet - in those moments, I got the seal of approval. She held onto me tightly. She wanted me to comfort her and hold her and make her feel better. She wanted her mommy like kids do when they are hurt. And I AM HER MOMMY!

Our neighbor happens to be a nurse. She checked her eyes for me and reassured me that her pupils were reactive and just to keep her awake for awhile. We had to take Carter to boy scouts, so went on a little dinner date and then to get some hot chocolate and practice writing with a new iPad app.

During this time, I couldn't help but think of another little girl hugging her momma's neck.

This momma has become a dear friend of mine. She followed our adoption and we met in person this summer. Her youngest son (she has five) has Spina Bifida and is the same age as Polina. She has such a big heart, she is adopting another special needs child. Meet Tracy and Sofi. Look at that hair! I wish I could show you her eyebrows!

Sofi spent the first 2.5 years of her life in a crib, literally! But now, she has a mommy, a daddy and five brothers.....waiting to bring her home.

This adoption is not only close to my heart because Tracy is my friend. You see, Sofi reminds me so much of Katya and Vika...girls that are stuck in the orphanage Polina came from. Girls that are ignored because they are believed to be "numb." Like Katya and Vika, Sofi eats mashed food, can't roll over and is non-verbal because she doesn't get the care she could in a family.

Reading what Tracy has shared on her blog reminds me of the way Katya and Vika responded to me when I took the time to tickle them, play ball with them, and hold them....things no one ever does with them....because they are "numb."

Tracy writes:

"She doesn't look at one thing for very long, but there were times that a caught her taking a glimpse at me.  Those moments were life altering....and when she purposefully put her arm on mine and rubbed my arm back and forth I knew that she knew somehow that we belong together.  

By the end of the week, as I was holding her (and holding back my tears), she put her head down and gave my hand an open mouth kiss (the way babies kiss) and repeated that motion about five times.  She struggles to make her body do what she wants it to do, but those small moments when she is able to is like a victory to me.  When I put her on the blanket, she would move her body side to side, trying desperately to roll over.  She's not quite there, but once she's home, she will learn to roll all over the place."
 
Here's the thing. While the Jensen Family is one signature away from a court date, they are also $3,500 away from that same court date. They may get their signature on Thursday, but they don't have the $3,500 (about $6,000 total needed).  This family has done so, so much fundraising. They've done their due diligence over the past 15 months since they started this process. Now it's our turn to stand up and fill in the gap. Don't make this little girl wait longer for her parents to bring her home where she will thrive in the caring environment every child deserves. 

Can you dig in your pocket, skip a pumpkin spice, and find $5 or $10 to help bring this little girl home? Do you have more you can give? Perhaps you could give in memory of someone or as a gift to someone who has a heart for the orphan? Maybe you're the type that is afraid of needles and gets queasy at the sight of blood so you can't donate blood or bone marrow. Here's your chance to give life without any of that.

How thankful are you for your family this November? Can you spread that gratitude to help a 4-year-old orphan be a daughter and a sister by Christmas? Christ was sent to give us a new chance at life. HE GAVE HIS LIFE!!! And you can help give a new life to this little girl.  

Polina wore a shirt today that says, "Best Present Ever." I was explaining to her what that meant. Please consider giving this precious girl and family the best present ever!

You can read more of Tracy's blog, see more pictures and find out how to donate on her blog.
http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/2013/11/tell-me-about-sofi.html?spref=fb

Thank you for considering it.

Bless & Be Blessed!

Launching Polina's Promise

It's been busy around here lately with all the fall events! I haven't had a lot of time to blog because I've been organizing and planning the Launch of Polina's Promise - a nonprofit benefitting orphans and special needs families worldwide. To keep up with the updates, you will want to like our Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/PolinasPromise

We are having a Dinner, Documentary and Dessert Launch Party on Nov. 16th at the Lodge at Fellowship Bible Church in Rogers, AR. We will show Mama's, Kids, and the Law Documentary over Dinner and discuss how we came to be and how we plan to impact the world of orphans and special needs children! We will also have a live dessert auction and some silent auction items available. You can find out more on our Facebook Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/events/165861503621931/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

We are anticipating the proof for our logo today, and once we have finalized it, we will draw a winner for the Tshirt contest on our Facebook Page. Just like and share our page and comment on the contest post that you did. Right now, the odds are great - 1 in 20!

There is one other way you can win a T-shirt. Please visit the following blog: http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-visit.html?spref=fb

This is a dear, dear friend of mine that I met through the process of adopting Polina. She followed us and supported us and we were able to meet her in July. Our family was so blessed by donations for Polina's adoption and we are so thankful for that! We wouldn't have gotten our baby girl home in time without it. I have personally donated money and time to Sofi's adoption, and now, I'm asking you to donate. I will hold a second drawing for a Polina's Promise Tshirt on Nov. 4th. You will get an entry for every $5 you donate towards Sofi Rose's adoption. Just leave a comment here letting me know what your donation was (it will go to my inbox and not be published). I will verify it with Tracy and we will draw a winner in one week.

Thanks friends! I look forward to sharing more as things develop!

"I love you. You're a Good Momma"

Polina is a perfectionist (that makes 2/2 of my kids) and gets very frustrated if she can't do something such as writing her letters and numbers perfectly. Let's face it....the child really didn't see for the first six-and-a-half years of her life. She still isn't in the prescription strength she needs because we are trying to step her up gradually. Add not seeing to being institutionalized (and underestimated) for the first 6 years of her life, and you can imagine the difficulty and frustration that comes with a perfectionist learning to write!

So, we adapt. Her biggest issues are size, space and sequence. Size and space are easy adaptations. I draw a box with a highlighter and she is to contain her letter or number in that box. Sequence is a little more difficult. I draw dots for her to connect, but on more complicated figures, such as the number 5, knowing where to start, stop, etc is difficult. That's when we make a chant or a song to help her remember.

Tonight, we were working on the number five. It's complex. She started frustrated and whining. I could have reacted negatively as I'm sometimes guilty of doing. But tonight, I didn't. I was calm, I drew boxes, I paid attention. I guided her when she wanted and gave her independence when she wanted. I positively praised her through the whole process. She finished feeling successful. And when she feels successful, I get a kiss on whatever body part is closest to her (tonight it was my arm) and an "I love you, you're a good momma!"

I could end this blog there. But I want to throw in a few cents for those that don't understand or are struggling with behaviors of adopted or special needs kids.

All kids, but these one especially, need to feel successful. I got this positive response out of Polina tonight because I took the time to help her feel successful. Those positive feelings lead to positive behaviors and an enjoyable evening of cuddles, sharing, and celebration.

The same goes when a child feels unsuccessful or "bad." (I cringe at the idea of a child feeling or being told they are bad. No child is bad...behavior is bad. If you believe or tell a child they are bad, you need to think seriously about this!) If they feel defeated, they will act defeated. One negative leads to another negative and misery for all.

As parents and teachers, we have the ability to respond to children in a way that could make-or-break the day for everyone. We need to find the positive...the successes...and put our focus there so that our children will put their focus there.

Alvin Price said "Parent's need to fill a child's bucket of self esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."

Polina did a good job of filling my self-esteem up tonight. I am a good Momma, and I'm encouraged to do well again next time. Go create a positive cycle with your kiddos!