Last year at this time, our family was all over the international news as the world cared about what was going on. Tonight, it's quiet. People have moved on and forgotten. I cannot. I will not.
I've taken this blog entry over to our Polina's Promise blog. Please take the time to go over there and read it, share it, and follow us.
If you haven't already followed us on facebook, you can find us at www.facebook.com/polinaspromise
Thank you.
~Kendra
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Finding Joy in Jesus
One year ago today,
through cloudy eyes,
barely able to breathe,
I told my daughter I had to get on an airplane and fly back to America
without her
one more time.
I promised her I'd be back -
It wouldn't be long this time.
I believed that.
That promise would begin to haunt me just a few hours later.
It had been a good day.
The "Baptists" had come to play carols for the kids & give them each a hydrangea to represent hope.
To represent hope!
We were invited into the teaching and meal with the older kids. I'm sure the director would have choked if she knew.
In our discussions, we found out they weren't Baptists as the director had told us. They were actually Seventh Day Adventists. Basically, if you're not Orthodox, you're "Baptist."
(If anyone from that group happens to reads this, please, please, please contact me at polinaspromise@yahoo.com)
The best part of the day was when I was able to talk to a couple of the ladies about a sweet, non-verbal little princess with CP who never got attention or human interaction. I showed her how to take her out of her chair (insert more director choking) and play with her. Since the group visits four times a year, I cling to the hope that Vika has been held 4 times in the past year. I fear though, that Vika has been transferred.
Now I'm the one choking. The thoughts of what could be happening to her are too much for my heart to bear.
Moving on.
They thanked us and asked us about the impending American adoption ban and if we were sure we were going to be able to take Polina home.
We were.
We had been told as long as we passed court the next morning, we would be safe from the ban.
Christmas Eve would be our last night in Moscow for this trip. We would go to court in the morning, were confident we'd pass, and then we'd celebrate Christmas & our adoption with a gathering of both Russians and Americans.
The unspeakable happened the next morning.
Before court, our facilitator told us she had been wrong. Even if we received court approval, we may not be able to take our daughter home.
I dug deeper within myself than I'd ever dug before to find the strength to speak in that courtroom.
The judge put me through the wringer. I plead... repeatedly. Our facilitator told me I did amazing. I don't know how.
We passed, but it was somber. The judge, the representative of the Education of Ministry and the other representative all had a very bleak look in their eyes as they wished us the best. There wasn't a lot of hope in that room. It was inexplicably torturous.
I was numb. There wasn't relief in having passed court and now we had to go to a celebration where I knew the questions would fly & I'd have to admit the hardest thing of my life.
I wasn't in control and I didn't know what the outcome would be. All I could do was walk by faith and I haven't always been good at that.
We had advent & celebrated Jesus.
Jesus!
He came to Earth to live as man and give us hope for our futures. He taught us how to love sacrificially. He came to give us peace.
He gives us joy in the absence of happiness.
We chose Joy as Polina's middle name.
Please join me tonight in praying for joy & peace for the mommas who didn't get to bring their babies home. Pray for a God-sized miracle and that the doors will, in-fact reopen someday. Pray for safety, care & families for the orphans.
Please check out what we are doing at www.polinaspromise.com (and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/polinaspromise) and let us know of any way you can help.
May your family find Joy in Jesus this Christmas!
through cloudy eyes,
barely able to breathe,
I told my daughter I had to get on an airplane and fly back to America
without her
one more time.
I promised her I'd be back -
It wouldn't be long this time.
I believed that.
That promise would begin to haunt me just a few hours later.
It had been a good day.
The "Baptists" had come to play carols for the kids & give them each a hydrangea to represent hope.
To represent hope!
We were invited into the teaching and meal with the older kids. I'm sure the director would have choked if she knew.
In our discussions, we found out they weren't Baptists as the director had told us. They were actually Seventh Day Adventists. Basically, if you're not Orthodox, you're "Baptist."
(If anyone from that group happens to reads this, please, please, please contact me at polinaspromise@yahoo.com)
The best part of the day was when I was able to talk to a couple of the ladies about a sweet, non-verbal little princess with CP who never got attention or human interaction. I showed her how to take her out of her chair (insert more director choking) and play with her. Since the group visits four times a year, I cling to the hope that Vika has been held 4 times in the past year. I fear though, that Vika has been transferred.
Now I'm the one choking. The thoughts of what could be happening to her are too much for my heart to bear.
Moving on.
They thanked us and asked us about the impending American adoption ban and if we were sure we were going to be able to take Polina home.
We were.
We had been told as long as we passed court the next morning, we would be safe from the ban.
Christmas Eve would be our last night in Moscow for this trip. We would go to court in the morning, were confident we'd pass, and then we'd celebrate Christmas & our adoption with a gathering of both Russians and Americans.
The unspeakable happened the next morning.
Before court, our facilitator told us she had been wrong. Even if we received court approval, we may not be able to take our daughter home.
I dug deeper within myself than I'd ever dug before to find the strength to speak in that courtroom.
The judge put me through the wringer. I plead... repeatedly. Our facilitator told me I did amazing. I don't know how.
We passed, but it was somber. The judge, the representative of the Education of Ministry and the other representative all had a very bleak look in their eyes as they wished us the best. There wasn't a lot of hope in that room. It was inexplicably torturous.
I was numb. There wasn't relief in having passed court and now we had to go to a celebration where I knew the questions would fly & I'd have to admit the hardest thing of my life.
I wasn't in control and I didn't know what the outcome would be. All I could do was walk by faith and I haven't always been good at that.
We had advent & celebrated Jesus.
Jesus!
He came to Earth to live as man and give us hope for our futures. He taught us how to love sacrificially. He came to give us peace.
He gives us joy in the absence of happiness.
We chose Joy as Polina's middle name.
Please join me tonight in praying for joy & peace for the mommas who didn't get to bring their babies home. Pray for a God-sized miracle and that the doors will, in-fact reopen someday. Pray for safety, care & families for the orphans.
Please check out what we are doing at www.polinaspromise.com (and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/polinaspromise) and let us know of any way you can help.
May your family find Joy in Jesus this Christmas!
Monday, December 9, 2013
A Visit to Ded Moroz
We are so blessed to live in Northwest Arkansas where there is always a family-friendly event going on. We took advantage of our Thanksgiving break to take Polina to several holiday events. We went to the lighting of square in Downtown Bentonville and got to watch an ice skating show at the outdoor rink. We also went to see "Ded Moroz."
Ded Moroz, or Father Frost, is the Slavic version of Santa Claus. He is the symbol of Russian winter, New Year's and presents. It's just one bit of Polina's Russian culture we can keep alive for her. She is now convinced his last name is Santa Claus...so for us...it's Ded Moroz Santa Clause. While we make sure that our family's focus is on Jesus' birth as we celebrate Christmas, we also incorporate the cultural traditions as a "side" to the fun and celebration.
Here are a couple short videos and photos from our evening at the Pinnacle Hills Promenade. It was perfect timing - a Monday night at 7:00. No one was there and we had him all to ourselves for about 45 minutes!
Ded Moroz, or Father Frost, is the Slavic version of Santa Claus. He is the symbol of Russian winter, New Year's and presents. It's just one bit of Polina's Russian culture we can keep alive for her. She is now convinced his last name is Santa Claus...so for us...it's Ded Moroz Santa Clause. While we make sure that our family's focus is on Jesus' birth as we celebrate Christmas, we also incorporate the cultural traditions as a "side" to the fun and celebration.
Here are a couple short videos and photos from our evening at the Pinnacle Hills Promenade. It was perfect timing - a Monday night at 7:00. No one was there and we had him all to ourselves for about 45 minutes!
He greeted her with a Russian phrase. She was so confused. |
Reading "The Night Before Christmas" so she could see what his reindeer were. |
Showing her his magic key he wears around his neck because we don't have a chimney. She had a dozen questions about this, including what he did with it when he sleeps. |
A kiss goodbye |
And then we went for a walk to look at the lights and decorations around the Promenade.
Polina and Daddy love fountains |
Stopped in for a picture with the pretty tree at Pottery Barn. |
Close Up |
A magical Mommy-Daughter moment |
Pretty Girl in front of the big tree |
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
A Christmas Miracle...
(Note: This started as a quick "I've got to show them this miracle" post, but apparently God had something else in mind. Hang with me. I think it's worth it!)
There is so much going on in our house right now. I can barely fight the tears as I write this. Our family has been through so very much in the past year. Christmas is a time of miracles for sure!
Advent is the four weeks leading up to Christmas and literally means "coming." Advent is a time of remembering & preparing our family to celebrate the birth of Jesus. The first week of advent is the week of hope as Jesus is our hope in life. God sent his one and only son to live as man on Earth in order that He may die for our redemption so that we can have eternal life in Heaven.
Likewise, I went for my daughter so that she could know the love of a family. For many of us, the love of Christ is difficult to accept. For Polina, the love of a family has been difficult to accept. Adoption has put me on the other side of redemption.
Experiencing that separation was the most painful feeling I've ever had. In fact, I wrote that death would be better. In those times, I came to better understand the sacrifice God made for us - to be separate from His son so that we no longer had to be separate from Him.
Truth is, it hasn't all been peechy-keen. It's been exhausting - spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. Even the days of fun and excitement ended in an exhausted me, too drained to share with you. There have been lots of tears. There have been times I've wondered what I'd done and if I could continue. There have been times I've understood some of the horrible things adoptive parents have been accused of. In those times, I often prayed and told God that I'd be okay if he chose to return to Earth that day.
Through it all, there were two things I never doubted.
We are told in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for the good of those called according to his purpose. I knew adopting Polina was His calling for us.
I also knew I loved her and Jesus had set my example of love by laying down His life for me. I knew I wasn't going to have to die for Polina, but I was going to have to lay down what I knew as my life for her.
Those moments of joy we have shared with you have been God's reminder of Deuteronomy, Hebrews and Joshua - that He will not leave us or forsake us.
I know how dirty, broken and hopeless I was before I found Christ. I understand the emotional pain my daughter was feeling that caused her to self-mutilate because I realize I've done a lot of self-mutilation in my life. It just looked different. Seeing her lack of trust and fear of abandonment has brought me terms with feelings I let consume me for two decades. I understand her difficulty in admitting wrongdoing and apologizing genuinely. When she is corrected and responds with "you don't love me," it brings to light my own perfectionism and rejection of God's grace and mercy.
As I fight for my daughter to earn her trust and to get her to receive grace, I'm reminded of how hard Christ fought for me. And I have hope.
PS: I promise some fun, lighter-hearted posts with "First Christmas" celebrations soon!
There is so much going on in our house right now. I can barely fight the tears as I write this. Our family has been through so very much in the past year. Christmas is a time of miracles for sure!
Heartfelt Advent
This is the first week of advent. You've probably heard of it, but may not know what it means. This year, I understand it. I can feel it like never before.Advent is the four weeks leading up to Christmas and literally means "coming." Advent is a time of remembering & preparing our family to celebrate the birth of Jesus. The first week of advent is the week of hope as Jesus is our hope in life. God sent his one and only son to live as man on Earth in order that He may die for our redemption so that we can have eternal life in Heaven.
Likewise, I went for my daughter so that she could know the love of a family. For many of us, the love of Christ is difficult to accept. For Polina, the love of a family has been difficult to accept. Adoption has put me on the other side of redemption.
This time last year
In 2012 we were given the miracle of a court date on Christmas Eve. We were honored to celebrate Christmas with wonderful Christians living in Moscow....including a couple that adopted a special needs child. We were clinging to our belief in God's ability to perform miracles in order to keep our hope that Polina would come home! We had told her we were coming. And yet, we were separate and might remain separate from her forever.Experiencing that separation was the most painful feeling I've ever had. In fact, I wrote that death would be better. In those times, I came to better understand the sacrifice God made for us - to be separate from His son so that we no longer had to be separate from Him.
The journey to today
It's now been 10 months since Polina arrived on American soil. We've shared moments of joy with you here and on Facebook. But have you ever wondered why I don't blog more often?Truth is, it hasn't all been peechy-keen. It's been exhausting - spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. Even the days of fun and excitement ended in an exhausted me, too drained to share with you. There have been lots of tears. There have been times I've wondered what I'd done and if I could continue. There have been times I've understood some of the horrible things adoptive parents have been accused of. In those times, I often prayed and told God that I'd be okay if he chose to return to Earth that day.
Through it all, there were two things I never doubted.
We are told in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for the good of those called according to his purpose. I knew adopting Polina was His calling for us.
I also knew I loved her and Jesus had set my example of love by laying down His life for me. I knew I wasn't going to have to die for Polina, but I was going to have to lay down what I knew as my life for her.
Those moments of joy we have shared with you have been God's reminder of Deuteronomy, Hebrews and Joshua - that He will not leave us or forsake us.
The familiar feelings of reactive attachment disorder
There. I said it. The words I've avoided for ten months. Fact is, Polina isn't simply strong willed. She struggles with attachment because of her past, just as I've struggled with God because of mine.I know how dirty, broken and hopeless I was before I found Christ. I understand the emotional pain my daughter was feeling that caused her to self-mutilate because I realize I've done a lot of self-mutilation in my life. It just looked different. Seeing her lack of trust and fear of abandonment has brought me terms with feelings I let consume me for two decades. I understand her difficulty in admitting wrongdoing and apologizing genuinely. When she is corrected and responds with "you don't love me," it brings to light my own perfectionism and rejection of God's grace and mercy.
As I fight for my daughter to earn her trust and to get her to receive grace, I'm reminded of how hard Christ fought for me. And I have hope.
Where we are now
Thanks for sticking with me. I've finally made it to the Christmas Miracle part...the warm, fuzzy, get-out-your-Kleenex part. The "I'm posting a video of me in my pajamas and rag-a-muffin hair" to show you there is hope part.
This is the end of a conversation Polina and I had Sunday morning. It was about attachment, what it means to be loved unconditionally and to never be abandoned again. The video quality is LOW, but turn up your volume, it's what is said that is truly important. (You'll have to access the blog via computer to see the video).
And just to top that off, today, when I asked her if she trusted Mommy, she told me she will always trust me. It felt so good to hear that, that I asked her later in the evening and she responded, "Don't you remember what I told you today? I will ALWAYS trust you."
That's hope for the journey.
Do you still have Kleenex handy? Because after we decorated the Christmas tree tonight, Polina recorded a little "Merry Christmas" for us all!
May everyone who reads this find a little hope in what Christmas is all about!
That's hope for the journey.
Do you still have Kleenex handy? Because after we decorated the Christmas tree tonight, Polina recorded a little "Merry Christmas" for us all!
May everyone who reads this find a little hope in what Christmas is all about!
PS: I promise some fun, lighter-hearted posts with "First Christmas" celebrations soon!
To find out more about what our family is doing to help special needs orphans in Russia, check out Polina's Promise. You can also "like" the Polina's Promise Facebook page for updates.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Together, we make a bigger ripple
MY FIRST CANDY CANE! |
Unfortunately, these celebrations don't come without a heavy heart. Orphans are stuck and kids are dying.
Meanwhile, most of us are wearing rose-colored glasses (that's my nice way of saying we are ignorant and self-indulged.) I used to find it easy to covet for a bigger house, a newer car, the hippest clothes and accessories, and more toys for our children.
Then I held the orphans. While I still have these consumertastic (like my new word?) tendencies, they are much more in-check now.
I'm happy to report I am no longer ignorant. I've realized... even our humble homes are mansions, our vehicles are excessive, our demand for trendiness is narcissistic and our overindulgence of materialistic items is vainglorious. (no, I didn't make that word up, though I wish I did).
If only I could change the world. I'm trying to cast my stone, you know, make a ripple? I'm just a little stone in a big quarry, and there's lots of water in this world!
None of us can change the world ourselves, but if we each cast our own stone and make ripples, those ripples will eventually overlap and the world will be changed for the better.
Can I encourage you to cast your stone with me in two simple ways this holiday?
Forget, ignore, avoid the consumerism trap of Black Friday, etc. and shop with a purpose.
At Givington's, the cause of your choice receives up to 50% of your spending. Books, Coffee, Fashion & Apparel, Office Products, etc. My own organization, Polina's Promise, is on the list. So are many other deserving organizations.
Fellow Russian special needs adoptive mom Tesney Davis is a Noonday Ambassador. Buy your jewelry and accessories from Noonday who uses fashion and design to create economic opportunity for over 1,000 artisans in 10 countries - helping families stay together and supporting adoption. I dare you to read about their impact.
Admittedly, I'm new at this shopping with a purpose thing. There's many other ways out there to do this. Just Google it.
I further challenge you to give 10% of what you spend. I have more ideas in the giving realm as I've been doing that a big longer.
Steps to Sofi - $700 gets this family a court date
Polina's Promise - assisting special needs orphans and families worldwide
Peach's Neet Feet - sponsor a custom painted pair of shoes for a child who is disabled or fighting serious illness.
99 Balloons - providing a monthly night of respite for special needs families
The Johnson's or another Grace Haven Family - Adoption Grants
Ability Tree - growing able families and accessible organizations
Project Hopeful - advocating for orphans with and bringing education about HIV/AIDS
Whatever it is you're going to do this holiday season, don't forget to slow down (okay, maybe I asked you to do three things) and bask in the small things...the truly important things...the family time, awe in the children's eyes, the truth of redemption and mercy and hope that we celebrate. And if you choose to shop with purpose and to give, know that you're bringing some of those things to someone else's life.
Here's a peek at what redemption, mercy and grace at Christmas time look like from Polina's perspective.
Waiting for the lights to come on |
Standing in front of the Christmas Tree |
Warming up with a hot drink |
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Christmas Need?
It's a big topic this time of year. How do you handle gifts at Christmas time in an attempt to avoid the consumerism of it and focus on Jesus? In 2011, Jen Hatmaker wrote a popular blog "The Christmas Conundrum." It is circulating around my Facebook circles right now.
I like Jen. She makes me laugh. She has a much greater sense of humor than I do. I find myself trying to downsize Christmas at the time of my adopted child's first Christmas in America as she was at the time she wrote the blog. She offers this, now popular, solution to the consumerism.
Four gifts:
Something you want,
Something you need,
Something to wear,
Something to read.
It has a nice poetic rhythm and rhyme to it. It's better than "everything I want" and "the more the better." Many, many of my Facebook friends follow it.
I discussed it with my 9-year-old son today and he confirmed my thoughts.
"What would a need be mom? You said something to wear, and we have a warm house and plenty of food. You already provide for my needs." Oh how this child blesses me beyond words.
What are we communicating to our children about NEED if we go this route? In my humble opinion, if we give socks and underwear as a gift at Christmas, we are sucking the supernatural, enchanting wonder out of it. (Note: Christmas IS supernatural, enchanting and wondrous even without Santa Clause!)
I'm a parent and I'm going to meet my children's needs as they arise regardless of season or holiday. Even if we get them that more expensive pair of light up or name brand shoes for Christmas...isn't that more of a "desired necessity" than a NEED?
I know, I know, that doesn't fit our poetic scheme. But good gravy...I do not need my daughter reminding me later that a different color sandals was a NEED at Christmas so it must be a NEED now!
Moving on....and more about Jen later.
I then asked my son what Christmas is about other than Jesus. His answer was simply "spending time with family you don't usually get to spend time with." Most of our family lives distantly, so I asked if he would prefer to spend the money visiting them or buying more expensive gifts. He chose visiting family. I could not be prouder.
I went on to post the question on Facebook. I got 35 responses in less than an hour. Here they are, in order, without repeats, and nothing excluded.
Hope
Love
Selflessness
Grace
Joy
Faith
Life
Promise
Capitalism
Belonging
Others
Family
Kindness
Salvation
Endless Wonder
Rescue
Supernatural
Miracles
Enchanting
Miracles
Exhaustion
Generosity
Redemption
Reason
Incarnation
Let's go back to Jen again. The year she wrote this particular blog, she was adding "something to give" to the mix. She and her husband, Brandon, were giving each of their kids $100
"to spend on the vulnerable. This is part of their Christmas present, because as you and I know, it just feels so awesome to be a part of Jesus' redemptive story. We will give them some options, and they can distribute their money however they want."
Now here is something I can get on board with! I love this Jen! (If you read my blog, please leave a comment so I can feel....honored!)
Now, if you're like me, you can't afford $100 per child. I'm going to make $100 for our family and we will choose where it goes together. Jen lists some great ideas with giving options as low as $10.
I'm going to give you some giving options that are close to my heart. I challenge you to pick one word out from the list above that you most feel you want to give this Christmas season. Talk to your kids about what they want to give. Then, pick a cause you feel most fits that gift, and GIVE IT! It will bless you to GIVE!
#1) Bring Sofi Home for Christmas: Sofi is an orphan. She has a family waiting. Her family is $1,000 short of fees to Sofi's government. If they can raise this amount quickly, they could possibly have Sofi home for Christmas....Sofi doesn't know or understand Christmas, and having her home for Christmas isn't what's most important. Having her home as soon as possible is. Everyday means something for this four-year-old little girl who can't roll over or eat solid foods because of severe neglect and untreated disability. I'd tell you about her awesome family, but it's really not so much about them, as it is about Sofi. Someone has offered a $1,000 matching grant to Sofi's family. Their you caring account is currently at $13,063.95. This donor will match dollar for dollar donations up to $1,000 between now and Dec. 1. Help get their you caring account to $14,063.95...and be blessed watching it grow and your donation be doubled! You can donate at:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/steps-to-sofi/29572
#2) Help Special Needs Orphans in Russia and China: I created the non-profit Polina's Promise in my daughter's name. If you've followed my blog, you know the story. If you don't, http://penniesforaprincess.blogspot.com/2012/12/death-would-be-better.html is a good place to start. Donations made to Polina's Promise through Paypal are tax deductible and will go to providing training for physical, occupational, speech and developmental therpaists to work with special needs orphans and families in Russia or to furnish a special needs home for children in China. You can not specifically where you would like your donation to go, if you'd like. Just send your paypal donation to polinaspromise@yahoo.com
#3) If domestic and/or interracial adoption is where your heart is, I happen to know an awesome family who is early on in their adoption and would be greatly blessed by your donation this Christmas. You can read their story at http://waitingforbabyd.com/ and you can donate t.o them through paypal at garrettwdenton@gmail.com
Those are places where my heart is...orphans and special needs. This is where I find I can give life, family, hope, redemption, mercy, grace, love, joy, belonging and rescue! This is where I find endless wonder and supernatural miracles.
If those don't appeal to you, have a look at Jen's list, or just go and serve a meal at your local Salvation Army or other soup kitchen. Suck up your pride and take the homeless person at the mall for lunch.
Just give this season....give to someone you wouldn't normally give to. Teach your kids what it is to sacrifice and to give. I promise you won't regret it!
If your family doesn't have their needs met....feel free to comment...it will go to my email and I won't publish it, but I'd like to help you find a place your needs can be met.
The rest of us...let's get real about what a NEED is. Make up your own categories...give, want, read, wear, play, create, sport, health...whatever you feel appropriate for your family at this time. Change it each year as your family changes and grows. But I beg you, don't pick categories based on their rhythmic quality and pay attention to what your categories communicate to your children.
And here is Jen's blog: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/29/the-christmas-conundrum
I like Jen. She makes me laugh. She has a much greater sense of humor than I do. I find myself trying to downsize Christmas at the time of my adopted child's first Christmas in America as she was at the time she wrote the blog. She offers this, now popular, solution to the consumerism.
Four gifts:
Something you want,
Something you need,
Something to wear,
Something to read.
It has a nice poetic rhythm and rhyme to it. It's better than "everything I want" and "the more the better." Many, many of my Facebook friends follow it.
I discussed it with my 9-year-old son today and he confirmed my thoughts.
"What would a need be mom? You said something to wear, and we have a warm house and plenty of food. You already provide for my needs." Oh how this child blesses me beyond words.
What are we communicating to our children about NEED if we go this route? In my humble opinion, if we give socks and underwear as a gift at Christmas, we are sucking the supernatural, enchanting wonder out of it. (Note: Christmas IS supernatural, enchanting and wondrous even without Santa Clause!)
I'm a parent and I'm going to meet my children's needs as they arise regardless of season or holiday. Even if we get them that more expensive pair of light up or name brand shoes for Christmas...isn't that more of a "desired necessity" than a NEED?
I know, I know, that doesn't fit our poetic scheme. But good gravy...I do not need my daughter reminding me later that a different color sandals was a NEED at Christmas so it must be a NEED now!
Moving on....and more about Jen later.
I then asked my son what Christmas is about other than Jesus. His answer was simply "spending time with family you don't usually get to spend time with." Most of our family lives distantly, so I asked if he would prefer to spend the money visiting them or buying more expensive gifts. He chose visiting family. I could not be prouder.
I went on to post the question on Facebook. I got 35 responses in less than an hour. Here they are, in order, without repeats, and nothing excluded.
Hope
Love
Selflessness
Grace
Joy
Faith
Life
Promise
Capitalism
Belonging
Others
Family
Kindness
Salvation
Endless Wonder
Rescue
Supernatural
Miracles
Enchanting
Miracles
Exhaustion
Generosity
Redemption
Reason
Incarnation
Let's go back to Jen again. The year she wrote this particular blog, she was adding "something to give" to the mix. She and her husband, Brandon, were giving each of their kids $100
"to spend on the vulnerable. This is part of their Christmas present, because as you and I know, it just feels so awesome to be a part of Jesus' redemptive story. We will give them some options, and they can distribute their money however they want."
Now here is something I can get on board with! I love this Jen! (If you read my blog, please leave a comment so I can feel....honored!)
Now, if you're like me, you can't afford $100 per child. I'm going to make $100 for our family and we will choose where it goes together. Jen lists some great ideas with giving options as low as $10.
I'm going to give you some giving options that are close to my heart. I challenge you to pick one word out from the list above that you most feel you want to give this Christmas season. Talk to your kids about what they want to give. Then, pick a cause you feel most fits that gift, and GIVE IT! It will bless you to GIVE!
#1) Bring Sofi Home for Christmas: Sofi is an orphan. She has a family waiting. Her family is $1,000 short of fees to Sofi's government. If they can raise this amount quickly, they could possibly have Sofi home for Christmas....Sofi doesn't know or understand Christmas, and having her home for Christmas isn't what's most important. Having her home as soon as possible is. Everyday means something for this four-year-old little girl who can't roll over or eat solid foods because of severe neglect and untreated disability. I'd tell you about her awesome family, but it's really not so much about them, as it is about Sofi. Someone has offered a $1,000 matching grant to Sofi's family. Their you caring account is currently at $13,063.95. This donor will match dollar for dollar donations up to $1,000 between now and Dec. 1. Help get their you caring account to $14,063.95...and be blessed watching it grow and your donation be doubled! You can donate at:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/steps-to-sofi/29572
#2) Help Special Needs Orphans in Russia and China: I created the non-profit Polina's Promise in my daughter's name. If you've followed my blog, you know the story. If you don't, http://penniesforaprincess.blogspot.com/2012/12/death-would-be-better.html is a good place to start. Donations made to Polina's Promise through Paypal are tax deductible and will go to providing training for physical, occupational, speech and developmental therpaists to work with special needs orphans and families in Russia or to furnish a special needs home for children in China. You can not specifically where you would like your donation to go, if you'd like. Just send your paypal donation to polinaspromise@yahoo.com
#3) If domestic and/or interracial adoption is where your heart is, I happen to know an awesome family who is early on in their adoption and would be greatly blessed by your donation this Christmas. You can read their story at http://waitingforbabyd.com/ and you can donate t.o them through paypal at garrettwdenton@gmail.com
Those are places where my heart is...orphans and special needs. This is where I find I can give life, family, hope, redemption, mercy, grace, love, joy, belonging and rescue! This is where I find endless wonder and supernatural miracles.
If those don't appeal to you, have a look at Jen's list, or just go and serve a meal at your local Salvation Army or other soup kitchen. Suck up your pride and take the homeless person at the mall for lunch.
Just give this season....give to someone you wouldn't normally give to. Teach your kids what it is to sacrifice and to give. I promise you won't regret it!
If your family doesn't have their needs met....feel free to comment...it will go to my email and I won't publish it, but I'd like to help you find a place your needs can be met.
The rest of us...let's get real about what a NEED is. Make up your own categories...give, want, read, wear, play, create, sport, health...whatever you feel appropriate for your family at this time. Change it each year as your family changes and grows. But I beg you, don't pick categories based on their rhythmic quality and pay attention to what your categories communicate to your children.
And here is Jen's blog: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/29/the-christmas-conundrum
Monday, November 4, 2013
The Best Present Ever!
I really just don't know where to start this blog. I'm exhausted...probably mostly from the emotions of this afternoon.
Because of Polina's paralysis, her balance is not good. However, she is fearless and strong willed and doesn't typically listen to me when I tell her she is doing something that is unsafe and she might get hurt. Frankly, I'm surprised it's taken 9 months before she got hurt since becoming our daughter. Perhaps part of that is my over-protection out of paranoia based on the way the Russian Government is so quick to conclude American parents are abusive to their Russian adopted children. That's not a fun shadow to live under! But today, I was a step away and she learned the hard way.
She was sitting in a chair at the dining room table. We had just finished homework. She turned and tried to pick the dog up, shifting her weight and falling onto the tile floor. I saw it happen, but wasn't fast enough to catch her. I scooped her up off the floor before she could even start crying.
Here's the kicker: as tight as I held her, she held me tighter. She gripped her arms around my neck as she cried and I tried to calm her.
In that moment, the emotion was more than what I typically feel when my children are hurt. It was so much more.
Polina held onto me like a hurt child holds onto her mother.
I can't put that into words.
Regardless of the rough issues that have come along with adoption - those that I'm not ready to share publicly yet - in those moments, I got the seal of approval. She held onto me tightly. She wanted me to comfort her and hold her and make her feel better. She wanted her mommy like kids do when they are hurt. And I AM HER MOMMY!
Our neighbor happens to be a nurse. She checked her eyes for me and reassured me that her pupils were reactive and just to keep her awake for awhile. We had to take Carter to boy scouts, so went on a little dinner date and then to get some hot chocolate and practice writing with a new iPad app.
During this time, I couldn't help but think of another little girl hugging her momma's neck.
This momma has become a dear friend of mine. She followed our adoption and we met in person this summer. Her youngest son (she has five) has Spina Bifida and is the same age as Polina. She has such a big heart, she is adopting another special needs child. Meet Tracy and Sofi. Look at that hair! I wish I could show you her eyebrows!
Sofi spent the first 2.5 years of her life in a crib, literally! But now, she has a mommy, a daddy and five brothers.....waiting to bring her home.
This adoption is not only close to my heart because Tracy is my friend. You see, Sofi reminds me so much of Katya and Vika...girls that are stuck in the orphanage Polina came from. Girls that are ignored because they are believed to be "numb." Like Katya and Vika, Sofi eats mashed food, can't roll over and is non-verbal because she doesn't get the care she could in a family.
Reading what Tracy has shared on her blog reminds me of the way Katya and Vika responded to me when I took the time to tickle them, play ball with them, and hold them....things no one ever does with them....because they are "numb."
Tracy writes:
"She doesn't look at one thing for very long, but there were times that a caught her taking a glimpse at me. Those moments were life altering....and when she purposefully put her arm on mine and rubbed my arm back and forth I knew that she knew somehow that we belong together.
By the end of the week, as I was holding her (and holding back my tears), she put her head down and gave my hand an open mouth kiss (the way babies kiss) and repeated that motion about five times. She struggles to make her body do what she wants it to do, but those small moments when she is able to is like a victory to me. When I put her on the blanket, she would move her body side to side, trying desperately to roll over. She's not quite there, but once she's home, she will learn to roll all over the place."
Here's the thing. While the Jensen Family is one signature away from a court date, they are also $3,500 away from that same court date. They may get their signature on Thursday, but they don't have the $3,500 (about $6,000 total needed). This family has done so, so much fundraising. They've done their due diligence over the past 15 months since they started this process. Now it's our turn to stand up and fill in the gap. Don't make this little girl wait longer for her parents to bring her home where she will thrive in the caring environment every child deserves.
Can you dig in your pocket, skip a pumpkin spice, and find $5 or $10 to help bring this little girl home? Do you have more you can give? Perhaps you could give in memory of someone or as a gift to someone who has a heart for the orphan? Maybe you're the type that is afraid of needles and gets queasy at the sight of blood so you can't donate blood or bone marrow. Here's your chance to give life without any of that.
How thankful are you for your family this November? Can you spread that gratitude to help a 4-year-old orphan be a daughter and a sister by Christmas? Christ was sent to give us a new chance at life. HE GAVE HIS LIFE!!! And you can help give a new life to this little girl.
Polina wore a shirt today that says, "Best Present Ever." I was explaining to her what that meant. Please consider giving this precious girl and family the best present ever!
You can read more of Tracy's blog, see more pictures and find out how to donate on her blog.
http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/2013/11/tell-me-about-sofi.html?spref=fb
Thank you for considering it.
Bless & Be Blessed!
Because of Polina's paralysis, her balance is not good. However, she is fearless and strong willed and doesn't typically listen to me when I tell her she is doing something that is unsafe and she might get hurt. Frankly, I'm surprised it's taken 9 months before she got hurt since becoming our daughter. Perhaps part of that is my over-protection out of paranoia based on the way the Russian Government is so quick to conclude American parents are abusive to their Russian adopted children. That's not a fun shadow to live under! But today, I was a step away and she learned the hard way.
She was sitting in a chair at the dining room table. We had just finished homework. She turned and tried to pick the dog up, shifting her weight and falling onto the tile floor. I saw it happen, but wasn't fast enough to catch her. I scooped her up off the floor before she could even start crying.
Here's the kicker: as tight as I held her, she held me tighter. She gripped her arms around my neck as she cried and I tried to calm her.
In that moment, the emotion was more than what I typically feel when my children are hurt. It was so much more.
Polina held onto me like a hurt child holds onto her mother.
I can't put that into words.
Regardless of the rough issues that have come along with adoption - those that I'm not ready to share publicly yet - in those moments, I got the seal of approval. She held onto me tightly. She wanted me to comfort her and hold her and make her feel better. She wanted her mommy like kids do when they are hurt. And I AM HER MOMMY!
Our neighbor happens to be a nurse. She checked her eyes for me and reassured me that her pupils were reactive and just to keep her awake for awhile. We had to take Carter to boy scouts, so went on a little dinner date and then to get some hot chocolate and practice writing with a new iPad app.
During this time, I couldn't help but think of another little girl hugging her momma's neck.
This momma has become a dear friend of mine. She followed our adoption and we met in person this summer. Her youngest son (she has five) has Spina Bifida and is the same age as Polina. She has such a big heart, she is adopting another special needs child. Meet Tracy and Sofi. Look at that hair! I wish I could show you her eyebrows!
Sofi spent the first 2.5 years of her life in a crib, literally! But now, she has a mommy, a daddy and five brothers.....waiting to bring her home.
This adoption is not only close to my heart because Tracy is my friend. You see, Sofi reminds me so much of Katya and Vika...girls that are stuck in the orphanage Polina came from. Girls that are ignored because they are believed to be "numb." Like Katya and Vika, Sofi eats mashed food, can't roll over and is non-verbal because she doesn't get the care she could in a family.
Reading what Tracy has shared on her blog reminds me of the way Katya and Vika responded to me when I took the time to tickle them, play ball with them, and hold them....things no one ever does with them....because they are "numb."
Tracy writes:
"She doesn't look at one thing for very long, but there were times that a caught her taking a glimpse at me. Those moments were life altering....and when she purposefully put her arm on mine and rubbed my arm back and forth I knew that she knew somehow that we belong together.
By the end of the week, as I was holding her (and holding back my tears), she put her head down and gave my hand an open mouth kiss (the way babies kiss) and repeated that motion about five times. She struggles to make her body do what she wants it to do, but those small moments when she is able to is like a victory to me. When I put her on the blanket, she would move her body side to side, trying desperately to roll over. She's not quite there, but once she's home, she will learn to roll all over the place."
Here's the thing. While the Jensen Family is one signature away from a court date, they are also $3,500 away from that same court date. They may get their signature on Thursday, but they don't have the $3,500 (about $6,000 total needed). This family has done so, so much fundraising. They've done their due diligence over the past 15 months since they started this process. Now it's our turn to stand up and fill in the gap. Don't make this little girl wait longer for her parents to bring her home where she will thrive in the caring environment every child deserves.
Can you dig in your pocket, skip a pumpkin spice, and find $5 or $10 to help bring this little girl home? Do you have more you can give? Perhaps you could give in memory of someone or as a gift to someone who has a heart for the orphan? Maybe you're the type that is afraid of needles and gets queasy at the sight of blood so you can't donate blood or bone marrow. Here's your chance to give life without any of that.
How thankful are you for your family this November? Can you spread that gratitude to help a 4-year-old orphan be a daughter and a sister by Christmas? Christ was sent to give us a new chance at life. HE GAVE HIS LIFE!!! And you can help give a new life to this little girl.
Polina wore a shirt today that says, "Best Present Ever." I was explaining to her what that meant. Please consider giving this precious girl and family the best present ever!
You can read more of Tracy's blog, see more pictures and find out how to donate on her blog.
http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/2013/11/tell-me-about-sofi.html?spref=fb
Thank you for considering it.
Bless & Be Blessed!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Launching Polina's Promise
It's been busy around here lately with all the fall events! I haven't had a lot of time to blog because I've been organizing and planning the Launch of Polina's Promise - a nonprofit benefitting orphans and special needs families worldwide. To keep up with the updates, you will want to like our Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/PolinasPromise
We are having a Dinner, Documentary and Dessert Launch Party on Nov. 16th at the Lodge at Fellowship Bible Church in Rogers, AR. We will show Mama's, Kids, and the Law Documentary over Dinner and discuss how we came to be and how we plan to impact the world of orphans and special needs children! We will also have a live dessert auction and some silent auction items available. You can find out more on our Facebook Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/events/165861503621931/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
We are anticipating the proof for our logo today, and once we have finalized it, we will draw a winner for the Tshirt contest on our Facebook Page. Just like and share our page and comment on the contest post that you did. Right now, the odds are great - 1 in 20!
There is one other way you can win a T-shirt. Please visit the following blog: http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-visit.html?spref=fb
This is a dear, dear friend of mine that I met through the process of adopting Polina. She followed us and supported us and we were able to meet her in July. Our family was so blessed by donations for Polina's adoption and we are so thankful for that! We wouldn't have gotten our baby girl home in time without it. I have personally donated money and time to Sofi's adoption, and now, I'm asking you to donate. I will hold a second drawing for a Polina's Promise Tshirt on Nov. 4th. You will get an entry for every $5 you donate towards Sofi Rose's adoption. Just leave a comment here letting me know what your donation was (it will go to my inbox and not be published). I will verify it with Tracy and we will draw a winner in one week.
Thanks friends! I look forward to sharing more as things develop!
We are having a Dinner, Documentary and Dessert Launch Party on Nov. 16th at the Lodge at Fellowship Bible Church in Rogers, AR. We will show Mama's, Kids, and the Law Documentary over Dinner and discuss how we came to be and how we plan to impact the world of orphans and special needs children! We will also have a live dessert auction and some silent auction items available. You can find out more on our Facebook Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/events/165861503621931/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming
We are anticipating the proof for our logo today, and once we have finalized it, we will draw a winner for the Tshirt contest on our Facebook Page. Just like and share our page and comment on the contest post that you did. Right now, the odds are great - 1 in 20!
There is one other way you can win a T-shirt. Please visit the following blog: http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-visit.html?spref=fb
This is a dear, dear friend of mine that I met through the process of adopting Polina. She followed us and supported us and we were able to meet her in July. Our family was so blessed by donations for Polina's adoption and we are so thankful for that! We wouldn't have gotten our baby girl home in time without it. I have personally donated money and time to Sofi's adoption, and now, I'm asking you to donate. I will hold a second drawing for a Polina's Promise Tshirt on Nov. 4th. You will get an entry for every $5 you donate towards Sofi Rose's adoption. Just leave a comment here letting me know what your donation was (it will go to my inbox and not be published). I will verify it with Tracy and we will draw a winner in one week.
Thanks friends! I look forward to sharing more as things develop!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
"I love you. You're a Good Momma"
Polina is a perfectionist (that makes 2/2 of my kids) and gets very frustrated if she can't do something such as writing her letters and numbers perfectly. Let's face it....the child really didn't see for the first six-and-a-half years of her life. She still isn't in the prescription strength she needs because we are trying to step her up gradually. Add not seeing to being institutionalized (and underestimated) for the first 6 years of her life, and you can imagine the difficulty and frustration that comes with a perfectionist learning to write!
So, we adapt. Her biggest issues are size, space and sequence. Size and space are easy adaptations. I draw a box with a highlighter and she is to contain her letter or number in that box. Sequence is a little more difficult. I draw dots for her to connect, but on more complicated figures, such as the number 5, knowing where to start, stop, etc is difficult. That's when we make a chant or a song to help her remember.
Tonight, we were working on the number five. It's complex. She started frustrated and whining. I could have reacted negatively as I'm sometimes guilty of doing. But tonight, I didn't. I was calm, I drew boxes, I paid attention. I guided her when she wanted and gave her independence when she wanted. I positively praised her through the whole process. She finished feeling successful. And when she feels successful, I get a kiss on whatever body part is closest to her (tonight it was my arm) and an "I love you, you're a good momma!"
I could end this blog there. But I want to throw in a few cents for those that don't understand or are struggling with behaviors of adopted or special needs kids.
All kids, but these one especially, need to feel successful. I got this positive response out of Polina tonight because I took the time to help her feel successful. Those positive feelings lead to positive behaviors and an enjoyable evening of cuddles, sharing, and celebration.
The same goes when a child feels unsuccessful or "bad." (I cringe at the idea of a child feeling or being told they are bad. No child is bad...behavior is bad. If you believe or tell a child they are bad, you need to think seriously about this!) If they feel defeated, they will act defeated. One negative leads to another negative and misery for all.
As parents and teachers, we have the ability to respond to children in a way that could make-or-break the day for everyone. We need to find the positive...the successes...and put our focus there so that our children will put their focus there.
Alvin Price said "Parent's need to fill a child's bucket of self esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."
Polina did a good job of filling my self-esteem up tonight. I am a good Momma, and I'm encouraged to do well again next time. Go create a positive cycle with your kiddos!
So, we adapt. Her biggest issues are size, space and sequence. Size and space are easy adaptations. I draw a box with a highlighter and she is to contain her letter or number in that box. Sequence is a little more difficult. I draw dots for her to connect, but on more complicated figures, such as the number 5, knowing where to start, stop, etc is difficult. That's when we make a chant or a song to help her remember.
Tonight, we were working on the number five. It's complex. She started frustrated and whining. I could have reacted negatively as I'm sometimes guilty of doing. But tonight, I didn't. I was calm, I drew boxes, I paid attention. I guided her when she wanted and gave her independence when she wanted. I positively praised her through the whole process. She finished feeling successful. And when she feels successful, I get a kiss on whatever body part is closest to her (tonight it was my arm) and an "I love you, you're a good momma!"
I could end this blog there. But I want to throw in a few cents for those that don't understand or are struggling with behaviors of adopted or special needs kids.
All kids, but these one especially, need to feel successful. I got this positive response out of Polina tonight because I took the time to help her feel successful. Those positive feelings lead to positive behaviors and an enjoyable evening of cuddles, sharing, and celebration.
The same goes when a child feels unsuccessful or "bad." (I cringe at the idea of a child feeling or being told they are bad. No child is bad...behavior is bad. If you believe or tell a child they are bad, you need to think seriously about this!) If they feel defeated, they will act defeated. One negative leads to another negative and misery for all.
As parents and teachers, we have the ability to respond to children in a way that could make-or-break the day for everyone. We need to find the positive...the successes...and put our focus there so that our children will put their focus there.
Alvin Price said "Parent's need to fill a child's bucket of self esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."
Polina did a good job of filling my self-esteem up tonight. I am a good Momma, and I'm encouraged to do well again next time. Go create a positive cycle with your kiddos!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Our Beautifully Messy Life
My house is a mess! It's clean. Toilets, sinks, tubs are clean. Floors are mopped. Kids clothes are folded and put away. The important things are done. My clothes are in piles. Maybe my friends have noticed me out and about in my running clothes a lot lately. Then there's the pile of art stuff taking up half the table with two recent projects for Carter and hands-on, multi-sensory learning activities for Polina. The dishes are clean, but there are some groceries that aren't put away. So, it's clean...but it's a mess!
Since we've brought Polina home, I've been a "stay-at-home" mom. So my house should be neatly organized, right? That's what the voice in my head tells me. Reality is, I'm hardly ever home. The kids add up to 6 therapy appointments a week, guitar lessons, boy scouts, and two fitness classes. Most weeks include a trip to Kansas City. I go to the kid's school assemblies, PE with Parents, and presentations. When I'm not running from appointments and they are at school, I fill out paperwork, get my own exercise in, grocery shop, bank, do laundry and prepare fresh & healthy meals. Oh, and I shower without any interruptions.
When they are home, we do homework and catch up on the things missed at school during appointments. We eat as a family and talk about our day. We try to get some outside time in. Our bedtime routine takes quite a lot of time and most nights I rock, read, and sing to Polina. Then there's some big-kid time with Carter. And once I sit down...well...I don't typically get up again because I'm exhausted more emotionally and mentally from the mess of the day.
There's lots of "how do you ask appropriately, that's not how we do things in a family, I'm sorry that you want that, we talk nice to each other in this house, try that again, stop dragging the dog around, no we are not having candy, yes I love you even when your behavior is not acceptable" messy moments with Polina and "let's talk this through and clean up that mess" moments with Carter.
I fall victim to the thoughts of messiness in my head.
And then I have a day like today that reminds me I don't want my kids to remember me for keeping the house clean. I want them to remember me for making memories, bonding and supporting them. I want them to remember that I was at Friday Round-ups at school to dance with them, that I went to PE with them, made presentations to their classmates about how to be friends with kids with disabilities and I drove them to their appointments when I could have used Medicaid transport. I want them to be healthy and remember home cooked meals and not drive-thrus. I want them to remember hikes, walks around the lake and sidewalk chalk in the driveway. I want them to remember cuddling before bed, being read to, and singing songs together.
Today was one of those days! Carter was on a boy scouts hike with dad and so Polina and I went out for a girl's morning. The plan was to get dinner in the crock pot, go for a run, take the dog to the dog park where Polina pets EVERY dog she can get her hands on, hit the farmer's market and then go to Kohls. We never made it to Kohls. We got caught eating lunch at a food truck, outside, 1/3 mile from our car when the skies opened up and poured down rain. And we will never forget it! It was such a messy adventure!
Since we've brought Polina home, I've been a "stay-at-home" mom. So my house should be neatly organized, right? That's what the voice in my head tells me. Reality is, I'm hardly ever home. The kids add up to 6 therapy appointments a week, guitar lessons, boy scouts, and two fitness classes. Most weeks include a trip to Kansas City. I go to the kid's school assemblies, PE with Parents, and presentations. When I'm not running from appointments and they are at school, I fill out paperwork, get my own exercise in, grocery shop, bank, do laundry and prepare fresh & healthy meals. Oh, and I shower without any interruptions.
When they are home, we do homework and catch up on the things missed at school during appointments. We eat as a family and talk about our day. We try to get some outside time in. Our bedtime routine takes quite a lot of time and most nights I rock, read, and sing to Polina. Then there's some big-kid time with Carter. And once I sit down...well...I don't typically get up again because I'm exhausted more emotionally and mentally from the mess of the day.
There's lots of "how do you ask appropriately, that's not how we do things in a family, I'm sorry that you want that, we talk nice to each other in this house, try that again, stop dragging the dog around, no we are not having candy, yes I love you even when your behavior is not acceptable" messy moments with Polina and "let's talk this through and clean up that mess" moments with Carter.
I fall victim to the thoughts of messiness in my head.
And then I have a day like today that reminds me I don't want my kids to remember me for keeping the house clean. I want them to remember me for making memories, bonding and supporting them. I want them to remember that I was at Friday Round-ups at school to dance with them, that I went to PE with them, made presentations to their classmates about how to be friends with kids with disabilities and I drove them to their appointments when I could have used Medicaid transport. I want them to be healthy and remember home cooked meals and not drive-thrus. I want them to remember hikes, walks around the lake and sidewalk chalk in the driveway. I want them to remember cuddling before bed, being read to, and singing songs together.
Today was one of those days! Carter was on a boy scouts hike with dad and so Polina and I went out for a girl's morning. The plan was to get dinner in the crock pot, go for a run, take the dog to the dog park where Polina pets EVERY dog she can get her hands on, hit the farmer's market and then go to Kohls. We never made it to Kohls. We got caught eating lunch at a food truck, outside, 1/3 mile from our car when the skies opened up and poured down rain. And we will never forget it! It was such a messy adventure!
Then the rain was coming, so we combined our veggies and wrapped up her cast...and ran...as fast as we could 1/3 mile back to the car.
I was soaked clear through including sloshy shoes
General was soaked too, but Polina made it with just a few drops on her exposed leg.
It was a BLAST!
Our life isn't always "clean." In fact, it can get messy. But one thing is for sure, it's a mess in an adventure that gets more beautiful every day and I wouldn't trade it for the world! There's big things in store for our little family!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Kadir is Dead: Can Putin ADOPT a New Attitude?
A 7-year-old child died in a Russian institution yesterday. It was senseless. He didn't have to be in a n institution. He had an American family waiting for him. He could have been in a family, known the love of a family. He never had that chance. His human rights were clearly violated.
It's hard for me to write about. I'm angry, grieving, thanking God we got Polina home and feeling guilty at the same time that these parents and others just like them did not get theirs home. I woke up this morning with a heart to plead with President Putin....if not all orphans, can we at least adopt the special needs ones who need families and medical care most deeply? Do you have the humility it takes to give these children that gift, sir? I really don't believe that you want them to die like this.
Yes, there are tragedies even in America with American children and Russian adopted children. Not every situation turns out the way we would like it to, but most do. You know, Mr. President, how many of these kids are dying in your facilities everyday. It took 20 years for 20 of them to die in America. It's not far-fetched to estimate 20 of them die there everyday. Kadir happens to have had a family and a facilitator who loved him enough to put his story out there in representation of these kids that are hidden away, Sir.
With all due respect, soften your heart. Give them hope. Give them a family and a future and a shot at life. They don't have a shot in your system. I wish they did. I would support it if they did. But they don't. You know that.
These kids say it better than me....better than I ever could. These are Russian-born, American-adopted children asking you to please change your mind. These are not politicians and they don't care about politics. They are children...begging you!
(I understand that the Russian Subtitles need some work, but I felt it was better to share it anyway)
Monday, September 23, 2013
The BIG News
Some events came into play today that changed the way I wanted to announce this, but I promised a blog post last night, so I better live up to it! I know some of you said you are on the edge of your seat...and I don't want you to fall off...especially because it's not what you're thinking!
I am working on opening a local, domestic adoption agency here in Northwest Arkansas. I have the full backing of the state agency licensing representative and hope to appear before the board to receive licensing in November.
We are currently in need of a Web designer and funding, so if you're interested, please contact me!
I am working on opening a local, domestic adoption agency here in Northwest Arkansas. I have the full backing of the state agency licensing representative and hope to appear before the board to receive licensing in November.
We are currently in need of a Web designer and funding, so if you're interested, please contact me!
Invalids Home #4: Take a look
Take a trip into Invalids Home #4 near St. Petersburg. It's one of the "better" orphanages.
Invalid home....invalid...in-valid.
I challenge you to watch this video.
http://mediacenter.dw.de/english/video/item/851315/Russia_Orphanages_on_Trial/
The video speaks for itself, so I'm not going to say a lot.
Pray for Vitaly and the Moyers. God bless Valery Panyushkin, the German and Russian volunteers, and Svetlana Brodovikova.
As for Pavel Astakhov...with all due respect Sir, what is long overdue is for your own children to grow up in Russia. It is not appropriate for your own wife and children to live in France while you tell the world that Russia is the best place for these orphaned children.
Invalid home....invalid...in-valid.
I challenge you to watch this video.
http://mediacenter.dw.de/english/video/item/851315/Russia_Orphanages_on_Trial/
The video speaks for itself, so I'm not going to say a lot.
Pray for Vitaly and the Moyers. God bless Valery Panyushkin, the German and Russian volunteers, and Svetlana Brodovikova.
As for Pavel Astakhov...with all due respect Sir, what is long overdue is for your own children to grow up in Russia. It is not appropriate for your own wife and children to live in France while you tell the world that Russia is the best place for these orphaned children.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Looking Back & Moving Forward: Stay Tuned
If you know me or have even followed my blog and Polina's adoption at all, you know that this experiences has changed me...deep to my core.
I believe our family's adoption story is very unique. I say that not because we were caught in the ban - there were nearly 50 other families who experienced that. However, I believe we experienced it a bit differently than the others. I never could have imagined what would come of my "Death Would Be Better" blog. I was woken around 3 o'clock the next morning with calls from all around the United States and Russia. I was caught off-guard, didn't understand what was going on and couldn't figure out how these people from the media and charities had gotten my phone number. A man from Texas just kept telling me someone in Moscow gave it to him after he read my blog. It was then I logged-in to see I had tens-of-thousands of blog hits and hundreds of comments. It wasn't until I answered a call from the ABC Moscow Correspondent, Kirit Radia, that I learned my blog had been translated into Russian and published on a very popular news blog in that country.
I didn't have much time to process what was going on before I found myself in the ABC and CNN news studios and fielding phone calls for interviews from The Wall Street Journal, Radio Free Europe, and numerous outlets I can't even remember. All I knew was that it wasn't my style to sit back and leave things in other people's hands. I needed to fight for my daughter, and I was willing to put our family out there as a "face" to the story.
I don't remember much about January. I remember it was a roller-coaster. I was flying high on hope and then something would happen to pop my balloon and I would cry myself a puddle of tears. And then....repeat. I tried to keep a strong front out there....you know...don't let the enemy smell out your fear kinda thing.
I remember the Russian people rallied around our family and fought for our little girl by name. They carried her picture in their protests against the Magnitsky law. And I knew then that if these people I'd never met could show so much courage and tenacity in the face of repression, I could too. I found resolve there. I was going back to fight for my daughter if they weren't going to let me take her. My parents feared for my safety and I quietly made necessary, unspeakable arrangements at home just in case my return didn't go so well. I was backed by the vitality of the Russian people, and there was a song on repeat in my head that told me I wasn't alone.
"I know Who goes before me, He is a friend of mine. The God of Angel armies, is always on my side..."
Through the passing of the next few weeks, we knew families were able to bring their children home, and we believed we would too. We purchased airline tickets and planned for my mother to stay with my son. We were in contact with our comrades in Russia who arranged lodging and escort transportation.
While on our trip, we did multiple media interviews with in-country American and Russian news outlets. We met people who had contacted us through our blog and wanted to help in different ways. We offered to pass on the help we were receiving to other families who were having struggles getting their children home. Of course we were excited to bring Polina home and introduce her to her extended family, but in truth, there was great heartache involved in leaving Russia. We could have left earlier than we did, but there were still people to meet, visit, and say goodbye to. It was gut-wrenching knowing that it would be a long, long time before we would see them again...if ever.
There continues to be mental and emotional anguish revolving around the orphans that are stuck.
It has been almost 8 months since we said goodbye. Let me tell you, it's been a whirlwind. I feel like I've lived in a fog for most of it. Things were NOTHING like I imagined when we came home. It has been challenging. Helping Polina assimilate has been complex. Building a cohesive family unit has been complicated. Support systems diminished and others formed in their absence. We've learned who our true friends are, and the fakes have been revealed. Just like January, there have been highs (I've shared here) and there have been lows (I'm saving for the appropriate time.) I have learned so many lessons about myself, parenting, adoption, the world and the people in it. I've learned about priorities, values, and taking steps...no, leaps...of faith. Most importantly, I've found purpose I didn't know I had. I still don't know exactly where it's going to lead. But I do know I'm going to follow it.
Tomorrow, I will announce part one of that purpose and how you can help. Stay tuned!
I believe our family's adoption story is very unique. I say that not because we were caught in the ban - there were nearly 50 other families who experienced that. However, I believe we experienced it a bit differently than the others. I never could have imagined what would come of my "Death Would Be Better" blog. I was woken around 3 o'clock the next morning with calls from all around the United States and Russia. I was caught off-guard, didn't understand what was going on and couldn't figure out how these people from the media and charities had gotten my phone number. A man from Texas just kept telling me someone in Moscow gave it to him after he read my blog. It was then I logged-in to see I had tens-of-thousands of blog hits and hundreds of comments. It wasn't until I answered a call from the ABC Moscow Correspondent, Kirit Radia, that I learned my blog had been translated into Russian and published on a very popular news blog in that country.
I didn't have much time to process what was going on before I found myself in the ABC and CNN news studios and fielding phone calls for interviews from The Wall Street Journal, Radio Free Europe, and numerous outlets I can't even remember. All I knew was that it wasn't my style to sit back and leave things in other people's hands. I needed to fight for my daughter, and I was willing to put our family out there as a "face" to the story.
I don't remember much about January. I remember it was a roller-coaster. I was flying high on hope and then something would happen to pop my balloon and I would cry myself a puddle of tears. And then....repeat. I tried to keep a strong front out there....you know...don't let the enemy smell out your fear kinda thing.
I remember the Russian people rallied around our family and fought for our little girl by name. They carried her picture in their protests against the Magnitsky law. And I knew then that if these people I'd never met could show so much courage and tenacity in the face of repression, I could too. I found resolve there. I was going back to fight for my daughter if they weren't going to let me take her. My parents feared for my safety and I quietly made necessary, unspeakable arrangements at home just in case my return didn't go so well. I was backed by the vitality of the Russian people, and there was a song on repeat in my head that told me I wasn't alone.
"I know Who goes before me, He is a friend of mine. The God of Angel armies, is always on my side..."
Through the passing of the next few weeks, we knew families were able to bring their children home, and we believed we would too. We purchased airline tickets and planned for my mother to stay with my son. We were in contact with our comrades in Russia who arranged lodging and escort transportation.
While on our trip, we did multiple media interviews with in-country American and Russian news outlets. We met people who had contacted us through our blog and wanted to help in different ways. We offered to pass on the help we were receiving to other families who were having struggles getting their children home. Of course we were excited to bring Polina home and introduce her to her extended family, but in truth, there was great heartache involved in leaving Russia. We could have left earlier than we did, but there were still people to meet, visit, and say goodbye to. It was gut-wrenching knowing that it would be a long, long time before we would see them again...if ever.
There continues to be mental and emotional anguish revolving around the orphans that are stuck.
It has been almost 8 months since we said goodbye. Let me tell you, it's been a whirlwind. I feel like I've lived in a fog for most of it. Things were NOTHING like I imagined when we came home. It has been challenging. Helping Polina assimilate has been complex. Building a cohesive family unit has been complicated. Support systems diminished and others formed in their absence. We've learned who our true friends are, and the fakes have been revealed. Just like January, there have been highs (I've shared here) and there have been lows (I'm saving for the appropriate time.) I have learned so many lessons about myself, parenting, adoption, the world and the people in it. I've learned about priorities, values, and taking steps...no, leaps...of faith. Most importantly, I've found purpose I didn't know I had. I still don't know exactly where it's going to lead. But I do know I'm going to follow it.
Tomorrow, I will announce part one of that purpose and how you can help. Stay tuned!
Thursday, September 12, 2013
In Response to President Putin: An Open Letter to the New York Times and the American People
I have a degree in journalism. I understand timeliness and the need to print Putin’s letter before you got “scooped.” But the choice of graphic to put with it lacked discernment. On the day of remembrance of the greatest terrorist attack on American soil, you chose to join in on the propaganda of fear.
Where’s your patriotism?
To my fellow Americans, I know you’re worried. I know you don’t want a war. None of us want to see the loss of innocent life. But this letter isn’t about whether we want war or not, this letter is about finding discernment in what you hear and read.
I first saw Putin’s letter in the NYT when a friend posted on Facebook saying he never thought he’d so strongly agree with Putin. At first read, if you haven’t followed international news and aren’t well-versed in what goes on behind the scenes, Putin’s letter seems valid. If you’ll bear with me, I’ll break it down and tell you why it is not and why I believe it is a move in a fear campaign from a man who knows American’s aren’t getting what they need from their own leadership. Putin is using this situation to advance himself and his agenda. But I know that American’s are smart enough not to let Putin play us for dummies!
On Sept. 11, Putin wants to place fear in America about terrorism. He wants to break down our resolve and pit us against each other. Don’t let him do it.
Putin begins his letter telling us that he finds it important to speak to the American people at a time of insufficient communication. He knows we have free media, and is taking advantage of it at an opportune time! I will revisit this at the end of my explanation.
He goes on to passive-aggressively tell us that we could be the reason the United Nations collapses. He explains that America consented to the veto by Security Council permanent members. What he doesn’t tell you is that he is taking, and has taken, full advantage of that position.
After the council fell short of reaching an agreement on a British-proposed resolution (yes, British, not American), State Department deputy spokeswoman Marie Harf told reporters “...what we’ve seen, not just today, not just last week, but over the course of many months, is the Russians at every move doing things to fail to hold the Syrian regime accountable.”
It is Russia which is repeatedly taking advantage of its permanent membership in the UN that could cause it to crumble.
Putin goes on: "A strike would increase violence and unleash a new wave of terrorism. It could undermine multilateral efforts to resolve the Iranian nuclear problem ..."
What you need to know about this is that on Friday, Putin will offer to supply Iran with five S-300 air defense missile systems as well as build a second reactor at the Bushehr nuclear plant.
So, tell me, who is it that is undermining the efforts to resolve the nuclear problem?
He continues: "It could throw the entire system of international law and order out of balance."
More hypocrisy! According to an article written by the New York Times in April 2013, "The goal (of the UN Arms Treaty) is to curb the sale of weapons that kill tens of thousands of people every year — by, for example, making it harder for Russia to argue that its arms deals with Syria are legal under international law."
You must know that Russia has made over $4 billion on weapons sales to Syria.
Putin says: "Syria is not witnessing a battle for democracy ..."
No. No, it isn’t. It’s the Russian people who are battling for democracy. However, when Putin returned to the presidency a year ago, he very aggressively stamped out the protest movement and has worked incessantly to silence his opposition. There are falsifications in every vote by the people and in the Duma. Anyone who poses a serious threat to his regime is mysteriously killed or thrown in prison by a corrupt system on bogus charges. Democracy in America means freedom of speech and of the press. Putin has taken advantage of our democracy to try and wrap us up in his propaganda. What Russia has is not a democracy.
Putin closes with what really makes my blood boil most. It should yours too. He says: “We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal.”
I’m sorry, but when orphans, especially disabled ones, are treated the way they are in the country he governs, he doesn’t get to speak to equality. When homosexuality is outlawed and crimes against a people are ignored and their homes searched just for suspicion, he doesn’t get to speak to equality. When immigrant workers are placed in city camps, he doesn’t get to talk about equality of God’s creation.
The letter does make some good points. Coming from David Cameron, Francois Hollande or even Xi Jinping it would be deserving of credit. From Putin, it is not. It is hypocrisy and propaganda. He doesn't get to say God created us all equal when orphans, disabled and homosexual people in his country are treated the way they are.
Let me close with this. Putin can not be taken seriously or trusted when his primary concern is his existential fear that if Al-Assad loses to his opposition, it means Putin and his repressive system will also, one day sooner than later, lose to his. Putin’s allies are Syria and Iran. That should speak enough for itself.
Vladimir Putin is not a statesman as he would like us to believe. He is a modern-day czar. Don’t let him pull the wool over your eyes.
(You can read Putin's letter at: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/12/opinion/putin-plea-for-caution-from-russia-on-syria.html?_r=0 )
Friday, September 6, 2013
Friends, Family, Disneyland, and the BEACH!!!
At the end of May, Polina and I drove over 1500 miles across the country to visit my family and friends in California. What a trip it was to meet other families who have children with Spina Bifida and have prayed for us, to visit the beach and go to Disneyland. We had a blast!
On the way, we we were privileged to stay overnight with a Russian family in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We had breakfast at Tim's Place - the only restaurant in the world owned by someone with Down's Syndrome. It was really awesome! Tim is a great guy and his family a great model of what kids with "disabilities" can do when they grow up in a supportive family!
On our first day, we went and met some new friends that had followed our adoption journey through the internet and supported us with prayer and also financially. It was so great to meet them in person and I know they will be lifetime friends! I learned so much from the mom's and the kiddos!
The beach was a BLAST! It was a great day weather-wise and the waves were huge! Polina loved the water and the sand. Granny Kay, Aunt Katie and Aunt Katy went with us. It was so much fun!
On the way, we we were privileged to stay overnight with a Russian family in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We had breakfast at Tim's Place - the only restaurant in the world owned by someone with Down's Syndrome. It was really awesome! Tim is a great guy and his family a great model of what kids with "disabilities" can do when they grow up in a supportive family!
On our first day, we went and met some new friends that had followed our adoption journey through the internet and supported us with prayer and also financially. It was so great to meet them in person and I know they will be lifetime friends! I learned so much from the mom's and the kiddos!
The beach was a BLAST! It was a great day weather-wise and the waves were huge! Polina loved the water and the sand. Granny Kay, Aunt Katie and Aunt Katy went with us. It was so much fun!
And then there was Disneyland! Polina's favorite princess was Cinderella. I'm pretty sure Polina was Cinderella's favorite too! As we walked in, Cinderella said, "Oh, look at this princess in her carriage." It was then that I began fighting tears! Polina told Cinderella how she had come from the orphanage in Russia and now she had a family. What was Cinderella's response...."Oh, so all your dreams have come true!" And then..well...I couldn't hold the tears back anymore! Cinderella stopped the line and escorted Polina to meet Ariel and Aurora and spent a lot of time with her. It was the first thing we did during the day and it would have been worth the time and expense if it was the only thing we did all day. The pictures tell the story!
Oh, and in the mornings, Polina had dance parties with her Baba!
It was all great fun and we can't wait to go back again!
Random Summer Fun Photos
We went to the park and took some fun pictures |
Last Day of School Celebration May 2013 |
It was a BLAST out on the lake with my best friend's family! |
It was a fun day of learning at the Science Museum of Oklahoma |
I learned how loud race cars are when I went to watch my Papa Bill's Teams in Missouri |
We got a dog, went hiking, celebrated Independence Day, got hair cuts, played at the park and went to birthday parties |
I visited special people including my Great Grandma and Great Aunt and special Prayer Warrior |
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